Get My Sparkle Back

You know those moments when you experience this intense rush of anxiety, stress, anger or any emotion that makes you feel like you have no control over your reaction? That was how I felt trying to (failing to) get Taylor Swift tickets last Wednesday (Alexa play ‘Teardrops on My Guitar’ on repeat because life as I know it is over). I want to take this moment to formally apologise to my mother, who had to endure the yelling, swearing, and crying firsthand when I finally did get through the queue and proceeded to run out of time because the website kept glitching due to the sheer number of Swifties trying to steal my tickets (they succeeded). I’d also like to take this moment to express my absolute hatred for whoever decided that once you do finally get to the front of the queue, there is an extremely short amount of time for you to get to process said payment before being violently kicked out and thrown into the queue again (Alexa play ‘The Man’ because we all know it was a guy who came up with that genius idea).

The Embracing Of My Many Emotions:

Anyways, I consider myself to be very in touch with my emotions (the poetic way of saying that I consider a given day ‘successful’ if I haven’t broken down crying). I used to think it was a bad thing that I felt deeply, but I’m starting to realise that I wouldn’t want to experience life in any other way. I find a deeper meaning in most interactions and experiences; I have two containers labelled ‘memorabilia’ under my bed (before you ask, yes, the movie ticket from my first date with the first guy I truly liked is still in there); I love the people close to me fiercely, and while I feel the negative to an extreme degree, I also get to experience the good in the same way. So, this year I’ve decided to focus on ways I can healthily process my many emotions (no yelling, screaming, and swearing about Taylor Swift tickets, was not healthy but no one’s perfect, AND I MAY NEVER GET TO HEAR HER SING ENCHANTED LIVE). Anyways, I’m going to share some of the ways that I have learnt to help me process my sad girl moments because apparently saying “it is what it is” while doing the peace sign in the mirror and then tapping my credit card at every retail store until I feel better isn’t classified as ‘healthy’.

The Balance:

One of the biggest things I’ve struggled with is finding a balance between allowing myself to feel crappy emotions and not drowning in them. I genuinely believe you can never reach a point in your life where you will never feel sad, hurt or angry again. There is nothing wrong with experiencing these negative emotions or letting yourself actually feel them without shame. However, I also think it’s very important to move on and not let yourself dwell for too long on the past that you will never be able to change. At some point, you have to let it go to enjoy all the beautiful things in store for you.

Some Of The Healthy Ways I’ve Learnt to Feel My Feelings:

In my last session, my therapist and I came up with my own personal ‘feelings scale’ (what is a ‘feelings scale’ you might find yourself pondering, worry not, I shall put you out of your misery shortly). Every feeling can be felt in different intensities; sometimes, you can feel moderately sad about one thing and other times, you can feel deeply sad about something else. The method that can effectively help you process when you feel moderately sad will probably be different from the method you use when you feel intensely sad. The ‘feelings scale’ is literally a scale that goes from intense to moderate to mild emotions, and the different methods I have to help me process my emotions at the various levels. One method I learnt in therapy for when I’m feeling an emotion intensely is to allow myself to feel said emotion completely for 90 seconds. When we experience an emotional trigger, chemicals change within our body, activating our fight, flight or freeze response. It takes the body approximately 90 seconds for those chemicals to flush out. So, when you are feeling intensely angry about something, rather than shoving it down or reacting impulsively, giving yourself 90 seconds to fall into that feeling entirely can help you process and move on from that feeling much quicker. At the very least, it helps bring the emotion down to a moderate or mild level. I have various methods for the moderate level, including exercise, breathing exercises (Breathing in for 4, holding in for 7 and breathing out for 8 is a personal favourite), meditation, journaling, and music (The Fearless and Red album). Then for the mild level, I have my self-care routines, including affirmations, gratitude, and mindfulness activities such as painting or reading. At the bottom of this scale, I have two questions to ask myself, ‘How do I feel?’ and ‘What do I need’. These two questions can help you figure out whereabouts on the scale your emotions are sitting at, keeping you in check so you know what you may need to do to process them. Sometimes, despite trying any method on the scale, you still feel like you can’t move past that negative emotion. I’ve found that this usually means I need to let myself feel it that day, allowing myself to wallow in it before I try to move on. It’s a balance, and there isn’t one set way to process how you are feeling (healthily); it’s just a matter of taking it day by day. I love my feelings scale, partly because I wrote mine in various sparkly gel pens and partly because it can be a way to practice tuning in with myself and what I need or am capable of on that given day. I highly recommend you create your own. I’ll even let you borrow my sparkly gel pens if you ask nicely and give me your Taylor Swift tickets!! So go forth, feel your many feelings, and process them healthily (and if that doesn’t work, thank God for retail therapy).

My ‘Feelings Scale: