Get My Sparkle Back

You know those moments when you are in a social mood and agree to do something, like, I don’t know, pay for a very expensive non-refundable ticket for a three-day festival in a couple of months. Only it’s no longer in a couple of months, it’s in 5 days, and you conveniently are due to get your period any day now. Suddenly, you really want to have a passive-aggressive (or just aggressive) chat with your past self for believing someone with overwhelming social anxiety would enjoy a 3 DAY FESTIVAL. Have you ever had one of those moments? Just me?

Why I’m Going To A Festival Despite My Anxiety:

All jokes aside, I am glad I am going to said festival, as all my close friends are going, and I usually end up enjoying events like this (minus the toilets, obviously, I plan to just be highly dehydrated for a few days). A few years ago, I made myself a promise that I would do everything I wanted to do despite the anxiety it may (definitely) cause me. This promise resulted from a deep fear that I wouldn’t experience so much that this world has to offer because of my anxiety, which makes me want to hide in the safety of my bedroom forever. So, I’m going to a three-day festival because I love getting dressed up and being around friends (until my social battery dies, and then I need 3-4 days of recovery); I enjoy live music and dancing. Living with anxiety is challenging because the things others do without a thought consume us, and it is a constant mental effort to talk ourselves down and feel like we might throw up. I let my anxiety control every aspect of my life for the entirety of high school, choosing to let it win and simply not go to most things because it was easier than the emotional and mental effort it would take to fight against it. Over the years, I’ve learnt multiple steps that help lessen my anxiety around events like the one I’m going to or just anything social, which I thought I would share.

My Methods For Handling My Anxiety:

So, to start, I have the methods I use to process my anxiety on a day-to-day basis. These include breathing techniques (in for 4, hold for 7, out for 8), challenging my anxious thoughts (how useful and logical are they to the current situation) and various others which I have on my feelings scale (I go into detail about that on the ‘In My Feelings Era’ blog). When prepping for something highly social, such as a three-day festival, I usually think logically about what aspects will make me the most anxious. For this event that included parking, how I was getting there and home, weather, and which outfits I should wear accordingly, what time I must start getting ready, what time I have to leave etc. I find that by physically writing down each aspect that could (will) cause me anxiety, I can organise those aspects so that it can all run as smoothly as possible. Sometimes, I’ll even write a schedule out, as visually, having it all organised on a timeline makes me feel in control. I have never and will never ‘wing’ anything in my life; everything must be organised and planned so that I don’t start rocking in a corner somewhere. I have my outfits set out in the corner of my room, down to what earrings I am wearing. I have printed out the parking rules and directions for how to get to the parking area. I know what make-up looks I’m doing on what days. I have calculated what time I have to start getting ready, so I can arrive about an hour before the artist I want to see starts. I decided to drive so that I have an easy exit which allows me to leave whenever I’m ready to.

Why Organising Helps:

By sorting each of these details out, it’s like it removes some of the constant buzzing thoughts I have running through my head. I wish I could be one of those people that just wakes up the morning of and hopes for the best. For a long time, I refused to overly organise these kinds of things for fear of being seen as uptight or a buzzkill. I’d let my anxiety run wild and put myself through hell so that I would be seen as a ‘cool’ or ‘fun’ person. I’ve since learnt that it’s not worth it, and I enjoy knowing how the day is going to look. I enjoy planning so I can make the most of the event, and I’ve found people who appreciate my overplanning, who like that I think of the possible problems and their solutions before it even happens (nothing comes as a surprise to me, I’ve already overthought it I assure you). As someone with anxiety, you can enjoy the fun, social things everyone else does. It just requires a few extra steps, and that’s ok.