Get My Sparkle Back

So, picture this. I’m peacefully asleep, dreaming of a life where I don’t have to rehearse what I’m going to say before every phone call under the $29 weighted blanket I bought from Kmart. Then, suddenly, this screeching sound comes from my phone, the number’ 5:30 am’ a bright piercing light in the darkness, a reminder that it is way too early to be conscious. As the fogginess of sleep starts to fade, I’m struck with the realisation that I not only have to get up, but I also have to drive to the Pilates class I’ve booked and paid for. For a few lengthy moments, I loathe my past self for leading me to this point in my life. I proceeded to call her various names that I have no doubt my therapist could hear somewhere, somehow, and she was silently shaking her head because that wasn’t the kind of self-talk we agreed upon in our last session. Then, I began to wonder what state of mind I must have been in to believe that I’m the kind of gal who is capable of getting up at 5:30 in the morning to go and work out IN THE MIDDLE OF WINTER. Winter is for fluffy slippers and getting away with not shaving one’s legs for a lengthy period of time. Winter is for hibernating. Just ask the bears.

The Endless List of Good Habits:

The thing is, I know why yesterday’s version of me decided to book this Pilates class at such an unholy hour. It’s because exercise is a good habit we are all expected to integrate into our weekly, if not daily, lives. According to the professionals (I’d like to have their credentials checked over), regular exercise has the power to improve your memory and overall brain function, improve sleep quality, help prevent multiple chronic diseases, reduce feelings of anxiety and depression etc. Despite all these reasons, like most good habits, exercise has always been something I’ve struggled to be consistent with. I think it’s partly because there are so many of these habits that we should act on regularly. Make sure you drink your daily required amount of water. Floss twice a day. Don’t go on social media first thing in the morning. Eat three healthy meals a day. Meditate. Read daily. Get enough vitamin D but be careful of the UV rays. It’s this endless list of things we are supposed to be doing, and I’m a perfectionist. So obviously, if I start one good habit, I’ve got to start them all at once and change my life overnight. And then I get so overwhelmed and anxious about checking off all these boxes to be considered ‘healthy’ that I give up on the process entirely because I’m tired. And I want a donut. We live in an age where all this information about what is and isn’t good for our physical, emotional, and mental health is at the tip of our fingers. Which, in my opinion, feels like way too much pressure to take advantage of said knowledge. Like it would be way less humiliating if I didn’t wash my sheets once a week simply because I wasn’t aware we should and not because I chose to procrastinate by watching the “pick me, choose me, love me” episode of Grey’s Anatomy for the 17th time instead.

For the past few years, I’ve been trialling different ways to implement these ‘good habits’ into my everyday life, partly (entirely) because they help stop my silly little brain from acting on all those silly little self-sabotaging tendencies.

What I’ve Learnt Works For Me:

1. I am in no way, shape or form the kind of gal who can consistently motivate herself to exercise at the gym or at home. I tried for years and came to despise it, so I would constantly fall out of it for weeks to months at a time, shame myself during those periods and then over-exercise when I did get back into it, setting impossible standards that led me to give up again. I started going to Pilates earlier this year, and even though getting up at an ungodly hour in the freezing cold sucks, it’s the first time I’ve been able to be consistent with exercise like ever. I go 2-4 times a week so that it’s a reasonable standard that I can actually meet, and I have an instructor motivating me to push myself through the 45-minute workout. This form of exercise may not work for you, but I genuinely believe that if you trial different exercise methods, you can find something that does. Despite months to years of trying, if you can’t seem to find some kind of consistency, it’s not the form of exercise for you.

2. I have also learnt that despite the perfectionist in me, trying to form multiple good habits at once is never going to work. So, I did some research and have a list of good habits I would like to continue slowly implementing into my daily life this year. I will never be able to do every good habit in the world consistently (Where would I fit in the time to rewatch the same four comfort tv shows repeatedly), so I picked ten or so that felt achievable and worthwhile to me. Every two to three weeks, I try and add one or two of these habits into my schedule, giving me a few weeks to adjust to this new aspect of my life before I try adding more.

3. It is ok to fall out of any habits you have while living your life. Some weeks, I only get to Pilates once a week, if at all. Sometimes I don’t drink my required amount of water for the day or forget to take my iron because I was busy with friends or family that day. Or maybe I was having a tough day mentally and couldn’t stick to all my routines that day. I am a big believer in balance. I believe you can live a reasonably healthy lifestyle where you try to eat healthily but also have donuts sometimes. Your best today could be entirely different to what your best looks like tomorrow. So be kind to yourself. And remember that sometimes the ‘unhealthy habits’ (like donuts or watching movies with a friend till 3 am) are some of the best parts of this random little life we get to live on this random little rock in the middle of space.